i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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