Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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