dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
