i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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