Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
