I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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