What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
