update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize