So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just had sex bonerless
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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