guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
