did you get engaged???
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
