OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
