It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
