I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am one with the molecules
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
