I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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