Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
