Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
