i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
