He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
