then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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