With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize