I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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