i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
