Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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