ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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