apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
