I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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