I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize