if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A bitchslap is in order.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
