Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
