The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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