He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
