well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
