Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
