Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize