That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
