turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
