I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
