i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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