all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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