In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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