Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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