I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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