Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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