I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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