So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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