it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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