i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
