I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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