now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
