Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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