sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
