wat bout pragnant strippers??
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
