And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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