We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
