Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
