the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
