Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
