he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
