Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
