I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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