we're blogging at a bar
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
