I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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