Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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