She is in my trunk
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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