This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im six kinds of drunk right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
