guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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