I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
