I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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