please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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