her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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