roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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