Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize