We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
