A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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