even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
