I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
