Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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