I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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