she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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