i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You left your phone here
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