im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
