he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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