apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i out mim tonsoeep
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
