i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
