idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
