i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
