Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
