the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
