i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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