ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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