Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
