OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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