we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
