this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
