if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
