i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
